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Jan 22Liked by Sarah Haider

Hi Ladies! Re: veteran’s day please go place flowers on the graves of veterans. Or help a living veteran.

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Jan 22Liked by Sarah Haider

“What is the 32 year old woman to do with all of the red pill messaging out there?” That’s a really big question, but I actually think it’s a pretty good opportunity for those women.

I think that the issue is that there’s a very large cohort of younger men who are going through a large disenchantment cycle with regards to women. They were sold a bill of goods about women and relationships by the culture, their friends and family that turned out to not work out for them and they’re angry.

I think the major (general) downside of this for women is that there’s a far lesser desire of men to pursue them than in the past. There used to be an endless well of want from men towards women and that’s just diminished now because of this disenchantment combined with a lot of alternatives (Porn, video games, Only Fans, Instagram, endless entertainment culture).

BUT, I think the opportunity lies with the woman who really thinks about the kind of man she wants, gets as clear as possible on that, and THEN really tries to figure out what that kind of man actually wants from her (it’s probably not as obvious as you think).

I think the woman who does that really separates herself from the herd because most women are just wondering why they’re not being pursued anymore by anyone they really want. I think this is a trick to find out who you want and get them to pursue you.

This is just coming from a man, so what do I know?

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I’m currently reading a book about the difficulties of high IQ individuals. The math would say that if your IQ is 2 standards above the norm, there are twice as many men as there are women, making it quite hard for a man in that situation to find women in what we’ll call an “acceptable IQ range”. The same is true of low IQ people.

My own marriage is much the same as Sarah’s description. My conversation takes very little time to become boring and my wife loses interest very quickly.

In all actuality she sometimes doesn’t like it when I go to parties because I “know things” and it becomes awkward because her and her friends react the same way I just described. So I live a content life of a social hermit, keeping my mind to myself as I have done since I can remember. It kind of sucks but it is what it is.

Megan’s description of how people view Sarah’s thoughts has been described to me personally many times, so it feels accurate from my perspective.

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Totally agree that women who do “male coded” hobbies and have “man-skills” are more attractive to men than those who don't. My wife looks good all the time, but she looks especially good when changing a tire, splitting wood, or shooting a gun.

Great advice, Sarah, for Meghan to lean into whatever hobby she likes that is something men like to do. MMA? DnD? Monster trucks? I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes—be sure to keep us updated.

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Psychologist here, with a quick clarification on "g":

Spearman's "g" is a theoretical number - from the subfield of psychometrics - that is thought to represent your 'general' intelligence. When you get an IQ score, it is generally an attempt to measure something like your own g-level. Modern psychometricians might quibble about my specific wording here, but they will generally concede at the end of the day this is what an IQ score is mostly meant to measure.

The idea for g came about in the early 20th century when Spearman (a psychologist) observed that children's scores in a variety of different subjects tended to be positively correlated - even though those subjects (e.g., reading, math) appear to have very little to do with one another. He and others explained this consistent positive correlation between wide ranging skills and abilities by proposing there must be some neurological factor (g) that makes someone better or worse at a large number of tasks.

The idea isn't well liked among popular audiences, but a convergence of evidence generally supports it, including in modern research. For example:

Johnson, W., Bouchard Jr, T. J., Krueger, R. F., McGue, M., & Gottesman, I. I. (2004). Just one g: Consistent results from three test batteries. Intelligence, 32(1), 95-107.

Johnson, W., te Nijenhuis, J., & Bouchard Jr, T. J. (2008). Still just 1 g: Consistent results from five test batteries. Intelligence, 36(1), 81-95.

This post was perhaps overkill for a part of the conversation that lasted about 30 seconds, but it's one of the better supported findings in psychology, so I thought I would mention it here.

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Two weeks ago I made a comment that, I think, Sarah thought was mean and, for sure, unfair. I hadn't listened to the whole podcast when I made the comment, but I have now and I know Sarah wants comments that battle those of the "mean" ones. Since I was "mean", let me say that I think Sarah and Megan are both outstanding in so many ways. Sarah's analytical abilities are awesome. If she writes a "think piece" it is always first rate. I am in awe of her activism and deeply respect it. She has quite often a different point of view and knowledge base than I do - I am two generations older. But, I trust her mind and heart both of which are very much in evidence every week here. (The only reason I said something "mean" was so she can know what an old lady like me wants her to re-think on one little issue!) Meghan is also great, of course, but I was "mean" to Sarah so I am trying to make it up to her. You are great Sarah.

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I appreciate the shout-out to unmarried 32-year-old sixes. It is indeed tough out here.

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In my social and work circle, everyone is continually trying to set-up or introduce single people to one another.

It can be a bit annoying but romantic referrals from friends are much better than online dating; you weed out the serial killers and chronically unemployed, and ghosting is drastically reduced.

That said, my men friends frequently "forget" to ask my permission to give out my contact info and just assume I will find their freshly-dumped guy-friends attractive.

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First!!!!!!

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Hey ladiex. I would like it if periodically the two of you would read (or in Meghan's case re-read) a classic work related to sex / gender / men-women etc and give your current take on it. For example, Erica Jong's "Fear of Flying." If you want to go more up-market you could do "The Second Sex" or "The Feminine Mystique" and if you want to go down-market something like "The Rules." Or you could review a movie like Woody Allen's great "Husbands and Wives" (I thought of that when Meghan talked about discussing French films as a part of old-style seduction and Sarah couldn't quite believe it.) This would be so interesting! And also an easy way to cover 30 minutes of podcast.

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I don't think I understood the MLK section at the top. Is MLK Day just a bunch of bullshit? A day when the mail doesn't come? Not necessary? Past its sell-by date? I remember when the likes of Jesse Helms and Arizona governor Evan Mecham opposed the holiday on the grounds that King wan't important and didn't deserve it. Well, phooey on them. I'll skip to the mailbox on the third Tuesday in January, hoping that somewhere in the universe, they are chagrined. And did I hear this right, that if King were around today, he would be moving with current of present-day DEI "antiracism"? Maybe it's a failure of imagination on my part, but I can't picture King going along with the idea that, say, the written word is a hallmark of white supremacy whereas black people are intuitive and relational; that nothing at all has changed in 500 years for black people; that standardized tests are racist, etc., you all know the arguments. Can't picture it. Did I misunderstand this part of the discussion? This whole section of the podcast? Not trying to scold or cancel anyone, just puzzled. Oh--and is anyone merely a person of their time and place, as I think Sarah said King was, when that person changes the world? Might sound corny, but I ask it sincerely.

The rest was great. Laughed out loud when Sarah rejected the idea of being a matchmaker because she "hates other people...(muttered) don't want to see them happy." From time to time, that does come across, Sarah.

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Women who want to meet men should go to tech and AI meetups. Lots of guys there, most of whom earn six figures. Mostly introverts, though.

Neal Strauss learned about astrology and tarot to get better at seduction. He didn’t go to astrology meetups or whatever, but when at a bar chatting girls up he’d use it to build intrigue. “You sound like a Pisces” or whatever. In my experience women love to have their personalities analyzed.

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MLK day started in the eighties and Arizona governor Evan Meacham refused to honor it. The NFL threatened to move the Super Bowl and he eventually caved.

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There is no gender gap in the big five trait “openness to experience”, which covers intense interest in ideas, aesthetics, etc. Justin Murphy is talking bollocks.

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founding

Favorite episode! So much wisdom & food for thought here.

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Sarah - Your dating tips were absolutely on point. You are wise beyond your years!

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